THE DESIRE FOR A RELATIONSHIP

My life is full. Let’s start there. I have a big family some good friends and a wonderful job, and am very grateful for all the abundance in my life. But, I also want to spend my days and nights with another human more intimately. I want to be in a relationship, and it’s an intense desire I’ve often tried to ignore.

I frequently compare trying to find a partner with winning the lottery. You want something so badly. You don’t feel whole without it. But it won’t come to you. So you try different modalities. Nothing works. It must be you.

People will say things like, “Just don’t think about it and it will come,” but you feel a sense of shame and embarrassment because you’re unable to manifest it. The longer it goes on the worse you can feel. It’s a constant undercurrent of judgement from others and yourself. Going to all those events alone and being the only singleton at Christmas or your Birthday!

But thank god I’m like a camel, and can go a long time without water. But then I hit a point, a breaking point; I am dying of thirst here “give me some water!”

We are born from tribes after all, and we seek deep connection. I long for an intimate relationship on every level. Even just having another being in the room breathing the same air as you is nourishing.

THE LONELINESS

I love spending time alone, and I’ve done plenty of therapy and spent loads of my time in the self-help aisle, but loneliness is an epidemic, on so many levels.

I am privileged that I have children who will indulge me with extra long hugs, that I’m grounded and find pleasure in many things, but I want more. I get teary thinking about other older people going years without touch.

I myself am some substantial time with no intimacy, no sex or kisses holding hands to be exact, and it hurts. I even get jealous when I see a couple or friend who has a companion.

And then there’s the self-imposed critic in my mind, saying things like, “wherever you go, there you are” to which I respond, “then being alone, where I am, must be my fault.”

Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I am not enough.

WHAT IT’S LIKE USING DATING APPS

The year after I divorced, I started online dating. I walked back into a dating scene so unfamiliar than the one I knew before, and at first, I was excited!

“This looks like fun! All of these men!”

But soon, I became confused and annoyed. I realized that dating apps are the place where self-awareness goes to die.

The shirtless selfies, the men with fish or bikes, the scribbled out face of an ex, the “which one are you in these photos?!” and my personal favorite prerequisite, the “I don’t want a girl with drama,” or intimacy without commitment.

Using an app felt like meeting someone was reduced to ordering a particular pizza; we get very picky and specific as we swipe, like we can just wish a perfect human to be delivered to our doorstep.

It seems men embellish or lie about their height, and sometimes single status, and women about their weight, and both are at fault for disillusionment.

And then, once on the date, there was often minimal attraction on my end. And in the few cases where I was, I found myself on the receiving end of ghosting, or even insults!

Luckily, because of my good sense of intuition, and humour, nobody has been that awful, and I’ve only received two or three “want sex?” or inappropriate photo type of DMs.

But still, dating apps aren’t the most optimistic places, and I find myself caught in a cycle of being drained, being pessimistic, and yet again, being hopeful. Only to be disillusioned again.

There are those that want mothers, those who want counsellors, those who want a penpal never to meet. The list goes on.

BEAUTY & YOUTH

It is hard to ignore the lure of beauty and youth.

I know many men my age who won’t date women their age, often looking at older single women as “not being hot enough” or “definitely having baggage.”

I know this isn’t all men, but these comments make me very aware of my looks and attractiveness, particularly as a mature woman and it’s a sentiment shared by many of my single, older friends, too.

I’ve heard women talk about how invisible they are to men, and often feel a loss of sexual identity. Ouch!

I find solace in knowing that all of my life experiences and growth have made me the person I am today, and while I may mourn physical parts of my 20 year old self, I wouldn’t trade it in for the place I am now. Partner or no partner.

OUTLOOK ON THE FUTURE

I am doing my best to not get sucked into the negative dating conversations. They are plenty.

I don’t want to show up on dates thinking “gimme gimme” or “all these guys are playing games” or “why can’t I have….”

I just want to trust that my life is unfolding in the way it’s happening and that my person is out there.

I want to be the person on a date that makes their date feel great about themselves too, regardless if I want to have sex with them or not.

My current mantra is to put out the love, kindness, and authenticity that I want my future partner to reflect back to me.

And like attracts like, right?

And if not, there’s always cats and dogs.

About Wise Psychic Counselling

Wise Psychic Counselling offers compassionate and insightful guidance to support your mental and emotional well-being. Our experienced team combines psychological expertise with intuitive wisdom to provide tailored counselling that helps you navigate life’s challenges, enhance personal growth, and find inner peace.

Whether you’re seeking clarity, support, or a deeper understanding of yourself, we’re here to help you achieve a balanced and fulfilling life through thoughtful conversation, emotional support, and intuitive insight.

If this blog resonated with you, know that your longing for connection, companionship, and emotional intimacy is deeply human. You do not have to navigate feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, or uncertainty alone.

Book a confidential session with Wise Psychic Counselling today and explore guidance tailored to your emotional journey, relationships, and personal healing.

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