Are You Settling for Less in Love? Three Signs You Deserve Better
- Wise Psychic Counsellor
- Sep 30, 2024
- 3 min read
When asked on Reddit whether it's worth lowering one’s relationship standards, one user said, “In the short run, I’m unhappy in the relationship. In the long run, I’m unhappy with myself.”
Understanding Relationship StandardsRelationship standards refer to the expectations, values, and criteria individuals hold regarding what is acceptable or necessary in a romantic relationship. These standards cover emotional, physical, and psychological aspects, guiding how partners treat each other and the behaviours they deem acceptable. Healthy relationship standards help maintain boundaries, ensuring that both partners’ needs and values are respected. Compromising these standards often leads to dissatisfaction, resentment, and unhealthy dynamics.
Here are three signs you may be compromising more than you should in your romantic relationships:
1. Excusing Their Toxic Behaviour While relationship standards are subjective and vary from person to person, one reason for lowering them is to manage expectations. Over time, you might realise perfection is unrealistic and compromises are necessary. However, it’s important not to compromise on fundamental values. Insecurities such as low self-esteem can cause people to lower their standards, fearing that setting them too high may result in being alone.
Excusing toxic behaviour often takes the form of:
Minimising: Downplaying a partner’s negative behaviour, convincing oneself that it’s not a big deal. For instance, brushing off frequent arguments or disrespectful comments as “normal” can overlook the deeper impact these behaviours have on happiness and self-esteem.
Forgiving: While forgiveness is healthy, it becomes problematic when used to repeatedly excuse serious issues without addressing them. Forgiving dishonesty or emotional neglect in hopes that things will improve, without holding a partner accountable, often allows these issues to persist.
Justifying: Rationalising bad behaviour by finding excuses for it, such as attributing a partner’s temper to work stress. This pattern of justification can lead to accepting behaviours that undermine the foundation of the relationship.
These strategies avoid immediate conflict but ultimately lead to greater dissatisfaction in the long run.
2. Hoping for Change A common reason people lower their standards is the belief they can change their partner. They may overlook negative behaviours, focusing instead on their partner’s potential and who they hope they will become.
One individual shared, “I dated guy #1 for a year, then we broke up. I dated guy #2 for a year, then we broke up. I went back to guy #1 for about three years. Each time I went back, I lowered my standards, hoping he would change, but he didn’t—so I left for good.”
People with an incremental mindset often believe that, with effort, their partner can change. However, this can lead to unrealistic expectations and frustration when those changes don’t materialise. Instead of trying to change someone who doesn’t meet your needs, it’s wiser to find a partner you genuinely appreciate as they are.
3. You’re the Only One Making Sacrifices A clear sign you’ve lowered your standards is when you’re the one consistently putting in effort while your partner fails to reciprocate. While sacrifices are a normal part of relationships, it’s unhealthy when only one person consistently sacrifices with no mutual effort. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a loss of identity.
One person shared, “I wasn’t happy, but I kept trying, hoping things would change. In the end, I didn’t even recognise myself anymore.”
The Key to a Lasting Relationship Instead of settling for a partner who sees you as a temporary source of support, recognise your own worth and prioritise self-care. Practising self-love will empower you to seek a relationship founded on mutual respect and shared effort.
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