Grieving the End of a Relationship
- Wise Psychic Counsellor
- Aug 6, 2024
- 4 min read
Grief varies from person to person and situation to situation, but the steps to move forward are universal.
No matter the duration of your relationship, a breakup can often feel like a significant blow to both your heart and mind. The emotions following the end of a relationship are intense and can range from sadness and despair to anger and frustration. Some individuals might develop depression or experience post-traumatic relationship disorder, while others may turn to vices like alcohol for solace.
Although grief is commonly associated with the death of a loved one, it isn't limited to such events. It's entirely okay to grieve over a relationship and not feel ashamed or awkward about it. Grief is a natural human reaction to a relationship ending and involves working through a broken heart. Remember, while there may not have been a physical loss, you've still lost something that held great significance.
The loss includes:
The current way of life
Mourning the memories of the past
Letting go of the dreams and hopes for the future
Stages of Grief After a Breakup
You might be familiar with the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, when it comes to breakup grief, there is no linear progression. It's common to fluctuate between feelings. One day, you might be incredibly sad, and on another, you could feel relieved and happy to move forward.
Emotions and reactions during the grieving process can include:
Reduced concentration
A sense of numbness
Changing sleeping and eating habits
Emotional ups and downs
There is no one-size-fits-all for emotions, and numerous factors can influence a person's grief response. The intensity, meaning, and significance of the relationship are key players in breakup grief. The duration of the relationship is critical due to the influence of time on our memory and associated emotions. The longer the relationship, the more memories we have, which can prolong the grief process.
When faced with something like a smell, song, or picture that reminds us of an ex, the neural pathway between memory and emotion can be triggered. Our brains cannot differentiate that the trigger is related to a memory and not a real-time event, causing physical responses like a fluttering stomach or dry mouth, which are hard to ignore.
Similar to the heightened emotions experienced during adolescence, adults can also experience intense feelings. For instance, having a child with your ex-partner can create a deeper connection due to the hormonal spikes that introduce deep and lasting bonds and memories.
While clichés suggest men are ‘less emotional’ than women and might not mourn the end of a relationship, the reality is different. Grief isn't gendered. Everyone experiences grief, but gender stereotypes often lead men to avoid or suppress displays of emotion.
Coping Strategies
Grief can feel overwhelming and endless at times, but several approaches can help ease its impact and lead to happier days:
Take Your Time
Friends might share how long their grief lasted, but there’s no set time limit for the process. Grief is a personal experience dependent on the individual. Don't rush or feel pressured to "move on" within a certain timeframe.
Don’t Avoid Your Feelings
Trying to eliminate feelings of grief may be counterproductive. Research indicates that suppressing thoughts and feelings around breakup grief can lead to more negative thoughts. Instead, acknowledge and honour your feelings of sadness. Allow yourself some time, whether a weekend or a few minutes daily, to feel your emotions. This validation helps you move through the grief process with respect.
Seek Support
Having a support system can positively impact the grief process. Trusted friends and family members can offer words of encouragement, listen to your feelings, and give important hugs. Seeking help from a therapist is also beneficial, as they provide consistent support regardless of how sad you may feel.
Engage in Self-Care
This is the time to focus on self-care. Rediscover activities that bring you joy or try something new, like a language course or writing a book you’ve always talked about. Creating new memories helps shift your attention to the present moment and the world around you.
Form New Memories
Rather than visiting places that remind you of your relationship or ex, take the opportunity to create new memories that "spark joy." Try going to different coffee shops, buying new clothes, getting a new hairstyle, or taking a new route to work.
Following the end of a relationship, even if you initiated the breakup, grief is a natural process. There are no set stages of healing, and the emotional response will be influenced by factors such as the length and intensity of the relationship, the reasons behind the breakup, and potential attachment issues. Some days, it might feel like the grief will last forever, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, especially if you implement coping strategies. Accepting and working through the grief process with honesty will allow you to see calmer days ahead.
About Wise Psychic Counselling
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