Setting Boundaries With Your Ex: A Path to Healing and Clarity
- Wise Psychic Counsellor
- Jun 9
- 3 min read
Boundaries aren’t about building walls — they’re about creating space to heal.
One of the most empowering steps you can take after a breakup is setting clear boundaries. Whether your relationship ended on good terms or with emotional turmoil, boundaries help you define what’s acceptable, protect your well-being, and create space to move forward.
Why Boundaries Matter After a Breakup
Ending a relationship doesn’t automatically end emotional ties. That’s where boundaries step in. They provide clarity, reduce confusion, and support emotional healing.
Setting boundaries with an ex can support:
Emotional recovery and closure
Improved mental health
Personal safety, especially after abusive relationships
Healthier co-parenting arrangements
Even if it feels difficult at first, boundaries are an essential act of self-respect.
Boundaries vs. No Boundaries
Boundaries empower. Without them, your emotional needs may be sidelined — and confusion, dependency, or pain can linger.
Example: Contact Boundaries
❌ No boundaries: “You can always call me if you need anything.”✅ Healthy boundary: “I’m taking time to heal. Please only contact me about the children for the next two months.”
Clear communication removes ambiguity and allows space for both people to process the breakup.
If your situation involves domestic violence or emotional abuse, no contact may be the safest and healthiest boundary. This may involve blocking your ex or seeking legal protection. Your safety comes first.
Navigating Friendship After a Breakup
It’s not uncommon to want to stay friends with an ex — but timing is key. Healing must come first.
Example: Friendship Boundaries
❌ No boundaries: “Let’s meet for dinner and catch up.”✅ Healthy boundary: “I value our past, but I need time apart before we consider being friends.”
Taking space allows for emotional detachment and a clearer sense of identity.
Boundaries in Co-Parenting
Breakups involving children require firm but respectful boundaries to support the well-being of everyone involved.
Key co-parenting boundaries include:
Don’t use children as messengers or emotional leverage
Communicate clearly and directly
Follow agreed-upon parenting plans
Avoid passive-aggressive behaviour
Example: Parenting Boundaries
❌ No boundaries: “I told our son to let you know I’d be late.”✅ Healthy boundary: “Our son has an appointment, so I’ll be an hour late. Is that OK?”
According to a 2021 study, structured and respectful co-parenting can significantly impact children’s emotional and psychological health post-divorce or separation.
Other Boundary Areas Worth Exploring
Depending on your unique situation, consider setting limits in these areas:
Handling mutual friends
Managing flirtation or intimacy
Deciding what happens to shared property
Controlling how much personal information is shared
Check in with yourself to identify what feels safe and respectful for your healing.
Understanding Codependency
If you often prioritise others’ needs over your own, or struggle with identity outside of relationships, you may be dealing with codependency. This can make setting boundaries especially challenging.
Common signs of codependency include:
Difficulty recognising your own needs
Low self-esteem or need for external validation
Emotional highs and lows based on someone else’s actions
Sacrificing your goals or happiness for others
Feeling lost or unstable post-breakup
Healing from codependency involves learning to say no, building self-awareness, and reclaiming your independence. Boundaries are a powerful step in that process.
Final Thought
Setting boundaries with your ex isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Whether you're co-parenting, redefining the relationship, or walking away entirely, clear limits create emotional structure. They empower you to heal, protect your peace, and grow into your next chapter with clarity.
Boundaries get easier with practice. And with every one you set, you reinforce your worth.
About Wise Psychic Counselling
Wise Psychic Counselling offers compassionate and insightful guidance to support your mental and emotional well-being. Our experienced team combines psychological expertise with intuitive wisdom to provide tailored counselling that helps you navigate life’s challenges, enhance personal growth, and find inner peace.'
Ready to take the next step in your mental well-being journey? Book a session with our expert counsellors today to explore personalised support and guidance tailored to your needs.
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