The Number-One Problem With Singlehood

What to do when singlehood reminds you you’re no one’s number one

One of the greatest challenges of being single is the quiet ache of feeling like you’re not anyone’s number one — that you aren’t someone’s priority.

It’s a deeply human desire to know that we matter to others. But even being in a relationship doesn’t always guarantee that status. Some couples drift into patterns where other priorities — careers, children, habits, even past crushes — come first.

A single friend once posted: “I just want to be someone’s number one.” The response from others made it clear: she wasn’t alone. While friends, family, and colleagues may care, their own lives — and the people in them — often take precedence. It’s not loneliness, per se. It’s the absence of that singular, mutual bond.

When you’re younger, surrounded by single peers, this may not be obvious. But as people pair off, it can feel like your ranking on their list quietly drops — often beneath spouses, kids, even pets. And suddenly, your “forever bestie” isn’t so available.

But here’s the perspective shift: being someone’s number one isn’t always a positive thing. In toxic relationships, you might be number one — as a target of criticism, manipulation, or emotional control. Worse, you may find yourself losing your identity trying to stay important in someone else’s life.

Even in healthy relationships, the “number one” slot isn’t guaranteed — nor permanent. Life happens: kids arrive, health crises unfold, or work dominates. Relationships ebb and flow. Some of the strongest marriages endure dry spells where even communication feels like a chore.

If your primary goal is just to be anyone’s number one, that’s easy — but not necessarily fulfilling. What’s rarer and more rewarding is finding someone you genuinely want to prioritise in return. A one-sided dynamic breeds imbalance, resentment, and emotional fatigue.

In contrast, singlehood can offer freedom, growth, self-awareness, and emotional clarity. You can build deep friendships that, while not romantic, hold equal (and sometimes greater) emotional depth. You can be the person who ties a group together — the anchor, the confidant, the glue.

Ultimately, start by making yourself number one. That doesn’t mean narcissism — it means recognising your value, treating yourself with respect, and not relying on external validation for worth.

And if you crave connection, build a circle. A support network can offer collective prioritisation — a group that checks in, shows up, and lifts you when needed. You may not be one person’s number one, but you can be irreplaceable to many.

So yes, it’s perfectly normal to want to be someone’s top priority. But don’t settle for just being anyone’s number one. Focus on being your own — and surrounding yourself with those who make you feel like you matter. That might be the most powerful relationship of all.

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