Why the ‘Talking Stage’ Might Be Holding You Back from a Real Connection

The “talking stage” might seem like a comfortable way to ease into a relationship, but it can prevent you from connecting on a deeper level. You’ve met someone new, and things are going well. You text throughout the day, perhaps even chat on the phone at night, but when friends ask about your relationship status, your answer is, “Oh, we’re just talking.” Sound familiar?

The “talking stage” has become a common phase in modern dating, where two people are getting to know each other but haven’t made any formal commitment. It’s that in-between space—more than acquaintances, but not quite a couple. While this stage can feel exciting and low-pressure, it can also be frustratingly vague.

Here are two reasons why talking stages can keep you trapped in the same place with a potential partner, preventing relationship progress.

1. Talking Stages Can Be Used to Avoid Deeper Intimacy

One of the biggest disadvantages of the talking stage is that it can become a defence mechanism to evade deeper intimacy. For many, it provides a convenient buffer, allowing them to test the waters without exposing their true feelings or risking rejection.

A study published this September in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy suggests that some young adults view the talking stage as a form of “pre-dating,” where they can explore their feelings without the pressure of commitment.

“I think people are confused. Someone wants more than the other, but they don’t want to put a definite label on it, fearing it would add too much pressure,” one participant suggests.

By avoiding labels or commitments, people can sidestep the vulnerability that comes with expressing their needs.

“For a lot of people, it’s a fear of rejection. They don’t want to just go up to that person and ask, ‘Would you like to go on a date?’ because they’re afraid the answer might be no,” another participant explains.

This fear often prevents people from having essential conversations about the relationship's direction. As a result, many potential relationships fizzle out without either person truly understanding why. Without addressing the fears that keep them from moving forward, individuals can find themselves indefinitely stuck in the talking phase.

Hinge’s D.A.T.E. report this year found that 95% of its users fear rejection, and 57% of Gen Z Hinge daters hold back from expressing their feelings for someone, worrying it could be a “turn-off.” However, avoiding “the talk” only prolongs uncertainty and emotional confusion.

“It makes you feel like you’re cheating, but you’re not in a relationship, which is kind of weird,” one participant explains, highlighting the confusion of still being interested in other people while in a talking stage with someone. This creates an emotional limbo where expectations are unclear, and commitment is fuzzy.

Many people also avoid defining the relationship or expressing their needs when they’re uncertain about their own feelings or fear their partner may not be ready for commitment. Without clarity and open communication, potential relationships rarely progress beyond surface-level interactions.

“I had to initiate the ‘what are we’ conversation more than once. My partner and I both had pasts that made us hesitant to make things official. It doesn’t have to be a ‘do-or-die’ conversation but rather a check-in to see what you both want. After a certain point, too much confusion and lack of direction can sink a relationship,” says Hinge dater Khai Bellamy.

“It is SO NECESSARY to have the ‘what are we’ convo to gauge where you are with the other person, so no one feels like they’re wasting their time. Closed mouths don’t get fed. You never know how good things will turn out if you just settle for a state of uncertainty,” adds Hinge dater Isaiah Xavier.

2. You Risk Missing Out on a Great Connection

Another common reason for staying in the talking stage is the fear of closing off other options. Many young adults feel pressure to “keep their options open,” especially in a world where dating apps offer an endless supply of potential matches.

“A lot of people are scared to commit. They want to see what else is out there and not just settle for something, so if they’re ‘just talking,’ they feel they still have other options,” a study participant explains.

The allure of other possibilities can prevent people from investing fully in a single connection, leaving the relationship stuck in neutral. Research also shows that having too many dating options can lead to “choice overload,” resulting in less satisfying partner choices and a greater likelihood of wanting to look elsewhere.

Additionally, the person you’re speaking to may lose interest or feel unappreciated if you’re content to simply “coast” in the relationship while they’re not.

“Conflicting motives for entering a ‘just talking’ relationship may cause pain and frustration for partners who desire a more concrete path forward than those who see it as a safe alternative to a more defined relationship,” researchers explain.

As the talking stage drags on, the emotional toll can grow. While this phase can be an exciting time of exploration, it shouldn’t become permanent. To truly experience the joy and depth of a meaningful relationship, both partners must be willing to move beyond this phase into something more real.

Final Thoughts

The talking stage may feel safer, but commitment offers the opportunity to build a deeper, more fulfilling connection—one that’s well worth the risk. Is a fear of intimacy holding you back from solidifying your romantic relationships?

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