Online Dating, Trolling, and the Psychology of Connection
- Wise Psychic Counsellor
- Sep 4
- 3 min read
Online dating has transformed how people meet, connect, and form relationships. From the early days of desktop bulletin boards and slow modem connections to the swipe-driven pace of Tinder, technology has shaped not only how we interact but also how we feel about intimacy, choice, and trust.
While dating apps have created opportunities for connection, they’ve also opened the door to new risks — especially the rise of trolling behaviour linked to darker aspects of personality psychology.
The Evolution of Online Dating
Before mobile apps, online dating was slower and more deliberate. Relationships formed over shared interests, conversations, and sometimes through social networks that also existed offline.
Apps like Tinder, Grindr, and Blendr (collectively called LBRTDs — location-based real-time dating services) have changed that pace dramatically. Instead of gradual connection, users are pulled into a cycle of instant gratification: swipe, match, message, move on.
This flood of choice can feel exciting — but it also makes relationships harder to sustain, leaving many people burnt out, disappointed, or vulnerable to harmful interactions.
The Psychology of “Too Much Choice”
Psychologists describe the overwhelming nature of dating apps as choice overload: when the abundance of options makes it harder to make meaningful decisions. Each swipe creates a momentary micro-relationship — an instant high followed by quick dismissal.
While some find lasting love online, others describe the experience as a “cesspool” or “garbage dump,” reflecting feelings of disillusionment and exploitation.
The Dark Side: Trolling on Dating Apps
Trolling — deliberately provoking, offending, or distressing others for amusement — has long been a problem on the internet. But research shows it is increasingly present on dating platforms too.
A 2017 study by March and colleagues investigated trolling on LBRTD apps, measuring traits known as the Dark Tetrad:
Narcissism — entitlement and need for admiration
Machiavellianism — manipulation and exploitation
Psychopathy — lack of empathy, impulsivity
Sadism — enjoyment of others’ suffering
Findings showed that psychopathy, sadism, and dysfunctional impulsivity were the strongest predictors of trolling behaviour. Surprisingly, women scored as high as men in trolling activity on dating apps, a departure from earlier findings in general social media research.
Why It Matters
Online harassment has real-world consequences. Victims of trolling experience the same outcomes as offline harassment: depression, lowered self-esteem, and emotional harm.
For users, this means approaching dating apps with care, boundaries, and self-awareness. For developers, it raises questions about responsibility: how can platforms create safer, more intentional environments?
Staying Safe Emotionally and Practically
Trust your instincts: If a comment feels wrong, dismissive, or manipulative, step back.
Don’t overshare: Limit personal information until trust is established.
Pause before reacting: Trolls thrive on responses; disengaging protects your peace.
Set boundaries: Decide ahead of time how much emotional energy you’re willing to invest.
Seek support: If online experiences lower your self-esteem or trigger anxiety, counselling can help you reset your approach to relationships.
A Healthier Way Forward
Online dating is here to stay — but it doesn’t have to erode your wellbeing. When approached thoughtfully, it can open doors to connection, learning, and growth. But awareness of the risks, particularly trolling and impulsive dynamics, is key.
If you find yourself drained, disheartened, or unsafe, it may be time to step back and reflect on what you’re really seeking — not just in others, but within yourself.
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