11 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in a Relationship

As a psychologist, I’ve heard my fair share of stories from people who want to stop feeling insecure in a relationship. Unfortunately, many people get discouraged about ever getting over their relationship insecurities because it’s starting to become a pattern. So they assume it must be some core part of their personality that’s causing the trouble.

But here’s the thing: Feeling insecure is about your habits, not your personality.

In this piece, you’ll find 11 of the most common habits you can build (or break) that will help you stop feeling insecure and become more confident and at peace in your relationships.

1. Your insecurities come from your present, not your past

One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming insecurity is all about their past. While your past shapes you, it’s your present-day habits that fuel insecurity. For example, constantly asking for reassurance or avoiding vulnerability are present habits that matter far more than what happened back then.

2. Stop worrying about the future of the relationship

You’ll never feel secure if your mind is always lost in worries about what might happen. Constantly stressing about the future keeps you from being genuinely present with your partner now — and that presence is what strengthens trust and connection.

3. Resist the urge to dwell on past relationship mistakes

Dwelling on the past drains energy from your present relationship. Reflect, learn, and move forward. Don’t confuse healthy reflection with rumination — the former helps you grow, the latter feeds insecurity.

4. Get control of your defensiveness

Feeling defensive is normal; acting defensive is what hurts relationships. Learn to pause before you react. Validate your defensive feelings but don’t let them dictate your actions.

5. Be more skeptical of your thoughts

Your mind generates countless thoughts — not all are helpful or true. Practice noticing and questioning anxious thoughts instead of automatically believing them. Remember: Just because you think it doesn’t make it true.

6. Practice self-compassion

Judging yourself for feeling insecure only piles more pain on top. Instead, respond to your struggles with the same kindness you’d show a friend. You can’t criticize yourself into security — but you can nurture it through compassion.

7. Stop asking for reassurance

Seeking reassurance may calm you in the moment but feeds insecurity long-term. Each time you rely on your partner to soothe every doubt, you reinforce your own lack of trust in yourself. Work on building inner confidence instead.

8. Ask for what you want assertively

You deserve to express your needs honestly and respectfully. Many people who feel insecure struggle with assertiveness. Remember, if you always put others first, you teach your brain that your own needs don’t matter.

9. Set healthier boundaries

Security in a relationship depends on self-respect — and self-respect grows when you hold firm boundaries. If your limits are constantly overridden, you’ll always feel uncertain and undervalued.

10. Spend more time doing things independently

Insecurity shrinks when you grow your sense of self. Spending time outside the relationship — with friends, hobbies, or solo — helps you feel whole and grounded, not overly dependent on your partner.

11. Stop getting involved with emotionally immature people

Prevention matters. Many insecurities flourish in relationships with emotionally immature partners. Learn to recognise the signs early — and give yourself permission to choose partners who can communicate, grow, and meet you halfway.

Feeling secure in a relationship is not about changing who you are but about changing what you do. Small, consistent changes in your daily habits can make a powerful difference.

Source: Adapted from Nick Wignall – 11 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in a Relationship

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