What It Really Means to Be Committed

Reframing commitment so it’s not so scary

What does the word commitment bring up for you?

For some, it stirs a longing for deep connection and security. For others, it awakens anxiety or fear. But what if commitment isn’t about being tied down—what if it’s about growing into who we truly are?

Real commitment starts with ourselves. It’s about being honest about what we feel, need, and value—and extending that honesty into our relationships.

“A relationship is like a garden. If you do not tend it, weeds will take over.” – Unknown

Being Committed to Ourselves

Before we can commit to another person, we must first commit to ourselves. This means:

• Knowing and valuing who we are

• Embracing our vulnerabilities

• Honouring our truth—even when it’s messy

• Meeting ourselves with kindness, not shame

When we show up with emotional honesty, we invite true intimacy. And when others witness our authentic selves, they’re more likely to connect with us deeply—because they’re seeing us, not a performance.

Commitment to self isn’t about selfishness—it’s about cultivating inner strength, healing old wounds, and offering our best to those we love.

Avoiding Commitment Out of Fear

Sometimes, we seek commitment to fill a void:

• “I need you because I don’t know how to be there for myself.”

• “I need you to take away my loneliness.”

But healthy love doesn’t come from fear—it comes from presence and honesty. We thrive in relationships not by finding someone to complete us, but by growing alongside someone who respects and sees us.

“Letting another person touch our vulnerable core is too scary or disorienting if we cannot peacefully inhabit that tender core.” — Love & Betrayal

Committed to a Process, Not an Outcome

Instead of being attached to how a relationship should look, we can shift focus to how it feels. Real commitment means showing up daily for the process:

• Healing wounds instead of ignoring them

• Communicating with honesty and care

• Building trust with small, consistent acts

• Growing individually and together

When both partners are committed to this path, love becomes less about obligation and more about connection. It becomes something that evolves naturally—something we choose again and again.

Final Thoughts

True commitment isn’t a cage—it’s a commitment to becoming the most honest, kind, and present version of ourselves. When two people are doing this work, the relationship becomes a space of safety, growth, and mutual trust.

And if you’re struggling to understand your patterns or create lasting intimacy, working with a counsellor can help guide you toward clarity and connection.

Source: Inspired by themes explored in The Authentic Heart and Love & Betrayal by David Richo.

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