The Rule of Regret: How Emotionally Intelligent People Turn Pain Into Power
- Wise Psychic Counsellor
- Aug 7
- 2 min read
We all have regrets—things we said, didn’t say, actions we took, or chances we didn’t. Regret is often a painful emotion, deeply intertwined with sadness, disappointment, and self-blame. But what if regret wasn’t a dead-end? What if it could be used as a powerful emotional tool to help you make better decisions and strengthen your relationships?
This is where the Rule of Regret comes in:“You can’t change the past. But you can learn from it.”
The Science Behind Regret and the Brain
Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett explains that our brains work by constantly predicting what’s happening around us, using sensory data and past experiences. Regret is a part of this predictive loop—it serves as feedback to help us recalibrate future decisions.
The problem arises when we get stuck in regret. When we ruminate, we reinforce negative emotions and miss the opportunity to grow. Emotional intelligence means learning how to use regret rather than being consumed by it.
Reframing Regret to Fuel Growth
Emotionally intelligent people transform regret into a framework for self-improvement. Here’s how:
Ask: What’s the lesson here?Reflection helps you learn what you’d do differently—and what to avoid repeating.
Visualise a better response:Imagine future scenarios where you might repeat a mistake. How could you act differently this time?
Plan your emotional toolkit:Could you walk away sooner? Pause and breathe? Ask for support? This kind of mental rehearsal strengthens your self-regulation muscles.
Use your experience to help others:Sharing your story might prevent someone else from going down the same path.
Forgive yourself:Feeling regret is already proof of growth. Forgiveness is how you release the weight of the past and honour the person you’re becoming.
Why This Matters for Mental and Emotional Health
When regret is reframed as a learning mechanism, it becomes empowering rather than paralyzing. Instead of staying stuck in shame or fear, you allow yourself to:
Strengthen emotional awareness
Make conscious choices
Improve how you show up in relationships
Deepen your capacity for empathy and compassion
The result? More authentic, emotionally intelligent living.
About Wise Psychic Counselling
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